that light

that light is everywhere.  it was in my eyes as i say down to write shining from my adjacent bathroom.  i shift myself to another direction and it was there too… just above the computer, directly in my eyes. it follows me.  just like above the dentists chair, just like headlights driving at night, just like the operating room light.  the picture is so vague in my conscious mind but fear freezes me when i think of that surgical light in my eyes.  my body remembers though.  its why my eyes have refused to see anymore. they dim and blur, shift shaping objects at their will.

the light caused me to have a complete meltdown in dr. garcia’s dentist chair.  i cried like a baby, i lost it, she thought i was afraid of the pain which wasn’t it at all, so scared, i left my body and become someone else completely. a few minutes before a 50 yr old woman negotiating a bad tooth then the light came.  it was instant, it was cellular, the little girl came, and the grown woman vanished.

i don’t know if i want to be here now, i think i want to go play in my kitchen or something.  not sure i want to be in my head right now.  i will get back to you on that one.

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About Rescuing Little L

Documenting the pieces of my journey...recovery from childhood sexual abuse and cruel ignorance...the effects of those incidious acts through adulthood... until the grace of recovery transcended the trauma and shame of my past, making it possible to return to Rescue Little L.... View all posts by Rescuing Little L

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