towards her Light

 she had changed.
they hadn’t.
so why was she still hanging around?
she closed her eyes,
wished them well,
wiped her tears
and headed thru another passage
towards her Light.
 

~terri st. cloud

Each day, my inbox is graced with reminders of fellow bloggers and artists, who’ve taken the time to send me a greeting.  Being very selective about who I give my limited brain power to, I carefully choose those who motivate in an introspective and authentic way, in other words, they have to “get it”.

Terri gets it.  In fact, it is as if she writes for me, finding the words I can’t find and expressing them when I need them expressed.  I’m so grateful for that, needing this exact type of guidance and inspiration to fill the gaps between the things I want to see but can’t.  Drawing up her words, I create new words hoping to put them in form that carries on the inspiration to another person.  That is the ultimate prize for me, reaching out and taking someone’s hand, easing their pain, putting a smile on their face….

The struggle wrapped up in this quote is one I’ve dealt with my entire life.  So many times have I been in this very place, looking at someone I love with all my heart and having to choose to walk away from them.  Sometimes it was family, sometimes friends, and once, a husband.  It is so hard.  It really sucks.  I hate it.  But, this choice, being crucial to the preservation of one’s true self, is sadly often the only and best solution.  The first time is the most difficult.  In the stupor of unawareness that I lived in, I didn’t realize this option existed.  Even when I discovered it to be a choice, I was appalled at the thought of disengaging from one’s family, from one’s loved ones, from one’s own blood.  I doggedly held onto the false notion that I could control the outcome of others, get them to want a better and healthier life and spare myself the pain of living without the family that I envisioned them to be.

It happened for me much like Terri states in her quote, that “she closed her eyes, wished them well”.   It has truly been a lesson worth practicing.

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About Rescuing Little L

Documenting the pieces of my journey...recovery from childhood sexual abuse and cruel ignorance...the effects of those incidious acts through adulthood... until the grace of recovery transcended the trauma and shame of my past, making it possible to return to Rescue Little L.... View all posts by Rescuing Little L

3 responses to “towards her Light

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