an unlikely Candle Lighter

Candle light in the night

There are days when I feel like I’m invisible.

There are definitely days when I feel like my existence doesn’t really account for much and that my friends and family fail to see me either by their inability to understand who I really am or they know who I am and just can’t deal with it.  Either way it makes for some fairly isolated times.  Still, its a better choice to protect and put myself first than to be around people just for the sake of it.

One of the most soothing, honoring exercises I do is write.  Sometimes its silly stuff but more often, I dive in head first into the memories of my abusive past and their manifestations of my present.  Starting this blog was first and foremost for me but then quickly grew to almost an obsession to connect with others who’ve had this or a similar experience.  It seemed that this was the one sure fire way that I could confirm my existence and quickly found that survivors not only validate my experiences but are hungry for a place to share their unique stories and set of circumstances.  And I knew in my gut that this connection would be the healing force for me as I attempted to lift my fellow survivor out of the muck.

My biggest confirmation thus far is to receive The Candle Lighter Award from a fellow blogger, BiPolarMuse, a young woman whose name I don’t know but stories that I do know.  I am in awe of her writing as well as the stories that I’m finding among these everyday women scattered across the internet.  These are her words… “The Candle Lighter Award is an award for a post or blog that is positive and brings light into the world.  The Candle Lighter Award belongs to those who believe, who always survive the day and who never stop dreaming, who do not quit but keep trying.”  Wow…those words made my day.

This small circle that keeps widening continues to fascinate me.  I must admit, however,  I rarely feel like a candle lighter and it feels odd to accept this compliment when its me that reaps the benefits of these relationships.  But, I do love the fabulous image of a candle’s glow, illuminating a path for others and bringing our truth to the light.  Have I really made a difference to anyone but myself?  Could that really be me?  

Heck yeah, it is.  


About Rescuing Little L

Documenting the pieces of my journey...recovery from childhood sexual abuse and cruel ignorance...the effects of those incidious acts through adulthood... until the grace of recovery transcended the trauma and shame of my past, making it possible to return to Rescue Little L.... View all posts by Rescuing Little L

13 responses to “an unlikely Candle Lighter

  • Merry ME

    Yeh, I’d call you a candle lighter. I suspect your honest, courageous writing opens doors to people who are too scared to even look for the light.

  • Crowing Crone Joss

    it ABSOLUTELY is you. Everytime you light a candle, think about that, that YOU are a candle lighting the way towards healing for yourself and many others. Namaste.

  • Julie Catherine

    You definitely do deserve a Candle Lighter award, and congratulations to you! Any time you reach out and touch someone’s heart with your words; when your words give comfort, even if only in the fact that fellow survivors are not alone – you are sending out light to that person. I am a fellow survivor, and your words touch me. Thank you for being a light in the world; and for being a part of my world. ~ Julie

  • ntexas99

    Whether you feel like you are invisible, or that you are an unlikely candidate for The Candle Lighter Award, obviously there is at least one other person in this world that actually sees you, and recognizes the triumph of your spirit. Yes, it does seem as if our voices are sometimes laced with a never-ending lament of pain, but when we get right down to it, just by our very existence, we prove that beauty can emerge from pain.

    Congratulations on your Candle Lighter Award, and most especially, for being willing to acknowledge that you not only deserve and have earned this designation, but that you qualify as a bearer of light in what can sometimes seem like a dark world. When one light connects to another, and then another, suddenly the world DOES become brighter.

    • Rescuing Little L

      that is so true isn’t it…we do emerge from pain and our beauty is evident…i’m so grateful for this circle of women that i’ve gotten to know over the past year, you all have become my rock…thanks for the wonderful words…

  • Jackie L. Robinson

    Heck ya! Aren’t we all candle lighters in some way? Certainly your are a guide into our journey of what it is to live, to love, to accept, to heal. Love that you’re feeling it, owning it and allowing yourself to BE. xoxo

  • ☼Illuminary☼

    no doubts here…

  • debbie Killian

    Little L,

    Most definitely you deserve this award. If it were not for you, I wouldn’t be where I am in my blog adventure. Not only has this been theraputic for me, but it has done more…it has started to give others a voice. As I have written in my blog site…silence is ONE of the abusers bestfriends…through reading your experiences and courage, you have inspired me to do more to bring light to such a dark topic. Congratulations Little L, thank you for the kick start 🙂

    Debbie Killian… Reclaiming My Life

    • Rescuing Little L

      Debbie…so good to see you here…I will take a very small credit for getting you going but girl, you were ready…You were cranking out the words with very little nudging…Yes, we will bring the light to this subject, little by little…and raise each other up…

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