changing love…

Like running water, changing love finds its way past obstacles. Freezing it in place makes it fragile, rigid, and all too likely to shatter.

 –Martha Beck, How to Know It’s Real Love

I’m gonna keep this simple today.

I like to think  that being grateful for the vast array of coping tools has created a fortuitous space for another tool to come my way.  I’ve subscribed to Martha Beck‘s daily quotes for a while now, but have just in the last month taken the time to read her books.  I’m barely 50 pages in to the first one and I can already tell I’ve found a new friend.  Her books will be on my bookshelf and her tools will be in my purple tool bag in addition to the many fabulous people, animals, resources, books and music that have so serendipitously plopped in my lap.

My own emotions are tough enough to manage but when I smack against someone else’s confused and erratic energy, that is the ultimate challenge.  Especially if its someone I dearly love.

The complexity of my past and present propel me into an instant state of frozen terror. I’d barely read her quote, as in minutes before, when my daughter arrived, confused and frustrated. So keeping the focus on myself, the DBT  kicked in and immediately sensing the tension in my body, the frozen stance, I frantically begin to observe, describe and participate….3 biggies from the DBT world.  It worked or at least its working.  I’m not frozen, perhaps a bit off center but not too far gone that I won’t recover soon.

I sit in awe of the masters that surround me and say a quick prayer with gratitude in my heart.  It feels so good to know that love can find its way past obstacles.  We aren’t static, we aren’t frozen, we aren’t shackled to the patterns of the past.

Relief washes over me as I realize for a brief and fleeting moment what true hope feels like.

About Rescuing Little L

Documenting the pieces of my journey...recovery from childhood sexual abuse and cruel ignorance...the effects of those incidious acts through adulthood... until the grace of recovery transcended the trauma and shame of my past, making it possible to return to Rescue Little L.... View all posts by Rescuing Little L

9 responses to “changing love…

  • revrannulf

    You’re seem to keep popping into my thoughts these days… It’s a celebration for me to find a friend again from so long ago – who is still a friend! I hope that you can steadily find nd embrace the hope that surrounds us all! Be well!

  • ntexas99

    First, I am relieved to know someone that actually understands DBT, and can speak the language. It can provide a bridge between feeling overwhelmed or out of control, to finding a place where life is manageable again, even if only for a short period of time or only in bite-sized increments.

    My experience has been that people who “have a way with words” are more readily capable of handling step one and two (observe and describe), because our natural propensity to tell a story allows us the ability to see our circumstances from the prospective of someone who needs to convey what we are seeing to another person in a way that allows them to have a chance to see the same thing. When we move from observe and describe, to participate, we become engaged in an ACTION that allows us to direct our focus. For me, it’s almost been like I remove myself from the equation, in a sense, and focus on the steps, rather than my own panic or shrieking thoughts or whatever the case may be. By keeping my focus on walking through the steps, I find myself one step removed from the swirl of activity, if that makes sense?

    I also wanted to thank you for the link to the daily quote from Martha Beck. I promptly followed the link and signed up to receive the daily quote. Sometimes having an external point of inspiration can really make a difference in the flavor of the day, so I know and can appreciate the value of receiving a daily quote in my email IN box. Thanks for that.

    Finally, I wanted to say how much it warmed my heart to hear you speak so eloquently and with such sincerity about that moment when your vision aligns just right, in perfect symphony with your heart, and you suddenly recognize that you have just glimpsed an actual moment of hope taking root in your soul, and how that moment fills you with appreciation and gratitude.

    I am someone who tries to believe that hope is dead, because I am so often surrounded by internal signals that tell me that that is true, and it is so relieving to hear someone else confirm that all those lies are just lies that are being told, and that someone else, outside of me, has seen hope in the flesh, and knows that it is real. I know it often feels like we are lost and don’t impact the people around us in a positive way, but today you have shared a glimpse of actual hope, alive and well, and as real as the words on this page. Thank you for taking the time to share that with us. Much appreciated.

    • Rescuing Little L

      this is just one more thing to love about you, you are DBT fluent! Yeah! I have someone out there in cyberspace who speaks a language that i do! that is very exciting to me…

      yes, your comments do make sense to me, they always have…that’s why i’m so attracted to your writing, great insight and put together so lovely…

      i think you will like Martha Beck, she seems very sincere to me, hope that’s the case for you too…i’m a big fan of taking what i need and leaving the rest, don’t have to agree with someone 100% to get some new and valuable information…

      and honey child, there is hope. i felt it earlier today and i want you to have some of it. not often do i feel it and like you, i lean so heavily toward thinking that hope is dead. we discussed this last night in DBT group and the ways we look for evidence to support the internal lies. then we go back to the facts and the evidence is just not there. and even if a shred of it is there, it very manageable. i’m relatively new to this therapy but can already see its value and credibility. would love to discuss it any time with you, feel free to e-mail me so we don’t have to chat on here…

  • Merry ME

    Purple tool bag?
    I think I want one!

  • shermeekaflies

    It was good seeing this post. I just had something happen to me about an hour or so ago that not only angered me, but upset me. However, instead of just acting out on impulse or slipping into a deep depression as I would have in the past, I let my emotions show themselves and talked to others about what happened.

    Though I’m still sad, I’m not depressed or paralyzed. Thank you, friend, for posting this.

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