giving voice to chaos….

i’m all over the place today yet i want to write….sometimes i wait patiently for my world to align and sometimes i just stomp around and curse impatiently demanding that my creative flow return so i can do the thing i love and sets me free….

i see an image and am struck….struck by the thought that it doesn’t have to be what the writing forums and publications say i should be, this is about the freedom of my soul….

if the DBT therapy is correct, i must radically accept myself which i’m surmising at this point includes the fractured, chaotic one….she paces and wonders why she hasn’t been allowed to speak before and why the hell does she have to be someone different just to get a voice….let her write and speak as the shattered person that she is…let her out!…why do i so often fail to recognize her?….i have buried her for so many complicated reasons….

the image shakes her to the core, she sees the cracks in the woman, feels them, her spirit oozing out of the wounds….she knows she’s shattered and is socially unacceptable….her behavior is erratic, anxiety ridden, ready to pounce at the slightest energetic bump in the forcefield around her….

i must accept her….totally and completely….see the cracks as a place for the light to enter….a beautiful thought that i must incorporate….bringing the parts back together….i must accept her and heal her….i pray for the strength and vision to see her as the incredible spirit that she is….

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About Rescuing Little L

Documenting the pieces of my journey...recovery from childhood sexual abuse and cruel ignorance...the effects of those incidious acts through adulthood... until the grace of recovery transcended the trauma and shame of my past, making it possible to return to Rescue Little L.... View all posts by Rescuing Little L

10 responses to “giving voice to chaos….

  • kalima123

    DBT and EMDR therapies literally gave me my life back after struggling by BP, anxiety, depression, and borderline for almost 12 years. Hardest work that you’ll ever do, but life-altering. Here’s some support for the journey!

  • Jackie L. Robinson

    This is absolutely beautiful. Love how you allow her voice, without it needing to be ‘perfect’ or ‘presentable’ in ways our world demands. We are not what others expect of us – we are the wholly broken pieces of ourselves. Your words spoke to me…thank you. xoxo

    • Rescuing Little L

      I appreciate the kind words Jackie, it didn’t feel very eloquent and put together at the time but now i’m glad i took the risk…felt much lighter after i did…i love having you all, your support means so much to me…

  • Julie Catherine

    YES! That is exactly what she wants, what she has been waiting for, has been hoping for. Our wounded, shattered and broken pieces need to have their voice so they can heal and join with our other parts, and I’m so happy to read this. This is something I also need and want to do, so you have inspired me today, and I thank you so much for that. ~ Julie xox

    • Rescuing Little L

      Thanks Julie…it becomes easier over time to listen to her and especially with the encouragement of all of you…i actually feel like i’m speaking or appealing to those kind enough to listen and support me through this…it truly is because of those who believe in her and aren’t afraid of her that has made it safe enough for her to even speak at all…my cup runneth over…

  • Crowing Crone Joss

    ah dear one, the cracks are the places where your beautiful light, from deep within, can shine out onto your world. Abused, we creep deep down into our self, into the safety of within, we wrap ourselves in darkness hoping to disappear. But in the heart of that darkness that we have sought, shines the light of unquenchable love- love for who we are, bright beautiful and healing. Rise up and walk in beauty, you are that beauty.

  • Jen

    Your self compassion is inspiring to me. Thank you for sharing what is deepest in your heart-your intention to heal those deep injuries inflicted by ignorance.I just read your story about Athena the owl.So powerful.She would want all women to rise up and walk in beauty,being that beauty,owning that beauty-just as Joss says.

    • Rescuing Little L

      thanks Jen…the self compassion is relatively new to me, i’ve freely given to other but rarely to myself…it feels great but very, very different…the owl was an undeniably miraculous occurrence in my own yard, i had to share the magic…glad you enjoyed her, she’s still around for all of us….

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