“the hole” revisited…

she wakes from a long and tormented sleep to the all too familiar darkness with the circle of light far above her

it takes minutes to transition and orient herself to “the hole” that she’s visited so many times before

the cavern is so quiet, silent, her thoughts racing are the only noise

the sensation of cruel dampness that once penetrated her clothing, her skin, has been replaced with comfort

she looks down, her eyes now adjusted to the darkness, she sits upon a soft, downy quilt and wonders how and when?

its then that she sees the faint glow in her periphery…she blinks to make sure she’s seeing right

there is no fear, no anxiety, safety and warmth surround her

an angel moves to her, summoned by a mere prayer from a friend, has been watching over, providing comfort, releasing the fear from her soul

she is luminous, breathtaking, the unblinking eyes of an innocent fawn

the girl beholds her in awe as she wraps her arms around her

nestled against the divine being, she relaxes for the first time in days as her breathing slows…they look at each other for a long time

her eyes no longer retain the trauma driven focus necessary for survival, her gaze extends to her surroundings, noticing the quiet beauty for the first time

fireflies dance, filling the darkness with their radiance

shimmering crystals glisten from the walls

a beautiful humming seems to come from everywhere around her but no place in particular

the animals have crept to her, encircling her while she slept, each bringing their gift to aid her during this troubling time, unafraid to penetrate “the hole” like the people were

the owl shows her how to adapt her vision and see through the darkness, easing her into the shadowy world: cool, feminine, moist

the girl glances over to see the regal stance of the wolf and knows her lessons immediately

the hawk circles overhead, dipping once before soaring out of the opening into the sunlight….piercing the air with her message to look at the entire situation, there is always a way out

she isn’t alone at all

they’ve all come to help her remember that she’s been here before, “the hole” has beauty and purpose often unrecognized and the girl weeps with joy at her connectedness

with reverence, they all move to the center, forming a sacred circle…animal, human and divine to begin their prayers of gratitude

About Rescuing Little L

Documenting the pieces of my journey...recovery from childhood sexual abuse and cruel ignorance...the effects of those incidious acts through adulthood... until the grace of recovery transcended the trauma and shame of my past, making it possible to return to Rescue Little L.... View all posts by Rescuing Little L

8 responses to ““the hole” revisited…

  • revrannulf

    I am grateful for you and often hold you in the quiet prayers of my heart… My maternal family name is “wolfe” though I’m am constantly astounded by hawks of all kinds. My your journey be blessed and your heart be healed by whatever angels attend you!

    • Rescuing Little L

      And I am grateful for your presence during this journey….don’t you love how certain words and animals continue to circle around us…I would love to have “wolfe” as a family name! I’m sitting here writing you while looking at my wall full of wolf photos, sounds synchronistic don’t you think?

  • ssuzzk06

    The Hole…… a place of beautiful connectedness isn’t always very obvious is it? Your words and your angel bring light, hope and comfort to an otherwise dark and cold existence.

    • Rescuing Little L

      It turned out to be quite a beautiful place and you are so right in that it isn’t obvious always…I really needed to get her out of there but didn’t know how…thank goodness for friends and therapy!

  • Wholly Jeanne

    sugar, there is just too much beauty here to get my words around, so please bear with me as i stumble along . . . i am working with tears now – it’s like i’m obsessed. tears as as containers. tears as reliquaries. tears as vessels. tears as prayers and altars and well, you get the idea. i see the light in your gorgeous photo as a tear of hope, that hope in the form of a rope that little l longed for a story or two ago. i imagine the fireflies creating tears with their illumination. i feel the tears of gratitude in this circle. i shed tears of rage, shake my fists, and stomp my feet at one’s unimaginable and unacceptable inhumanity to another. tears of amazement spring forth at the resilience of the human spirit, at the circling of kind spirits gathered to hold little l. holding, yes. it is in the ink of tears that i tell you how much i have looked forward to another story at your knee, how much your writing moves me, and how much i admire you and little l.

    a quilt? of course. swaddling cloth. yes. oh my goodness, yes.

    i wish little l had never felt alone. i hope she will never feel alone again. ever.


    • Rescuing Little L

      wholly jean…you warm my heart!!! what i would have given as a little girl to know a woman like you. one who loves so fiercely and stomps her feet at injustice and suffering…and now! poof! here you are…how could i feel alone now? my circle in the story is really the one that’s been created by all the beautiful people that have come to me since i started putting this story out there…a leap of faith that turned wonderful beyond my wildest dreams…

      so happy you are here 🙂

  • Crowing Crone Joss

    every cell in my heart and soul filled with joy as I read this. Yes, oh yes! There you are in the center of a sacred circle.

    • Rescuing Little L

      Joss….i hope you recognize yourself in this story as the friend who summoned the angel….its your words that first inspired the thought that i wasn’t powerless to get her out. as simple as it sounds, i just didn’t know how….the ruts in my thinking are deep and i needed someone to present a different way….she is out for now and has a very cool tool belt full of friends and coping tools…

      Thank you again for being in my life!

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