my “muse” is pissed….

Any attempts at writing today have been thwarted by the growing, raging fire in the pit of my stomach.

I’ve prayed to invoke my muse several times this morning to no avail.  Then I realized that she’s there, she’s working with me, its just that she’s as pissed as I am.  Spitting, ranting, pissed off.

I wish I could be more eloquent right now.  So often during these trying times of an election year as muck and shit flies around, I’ve maintained composure.  It requires slowing my mind down, practicing all the skills I have to combat the ignorance that surrounds issues of gay marriage, hate crimes, poverty, health care and specifically today, women’s health.

Only once during this post will I mention the name of the ASS/IDIOT/BASTARD who attempted to coin a phrase, “legitimate” rape.   Rep. Todd Akin of MO, my neighboring state, attempted to re-define the word rape, splintering its definition to fit his own personal agenda and actually insinuate that a women’s body can discriminate against the sperm of an attacker versus the sperm of a lover (or in his case, he would mandate that it be the sperm of a man, preferably white, in a traditional Christian man-woman marriage).  With zero regard to the population of women rape survivors, their husbands, partners, children and families who try to love and support them back into being whole people again, he managed to re-traumatize the already traumatized.

This is all the credence I will pay him in this post because I’m not interested in giving him any more power or attention.  I now switch over to the people I care about.

I am interested ,however, in saying to all the women who are rape, incest and sexual abuse survivors, PLEASE, PLEASE don’t listen to him.  Don’t hear his shiftless blame and put it on yourselves, further traumatizing yourselves for a situation that was put upon you with violence and a mis-use of power.  It was never your fault, you didn’t do anything wrong, I didn’t do anything wrong.  I have no explanation as to why these violences continue to occur against women, men and children but I do know we aren’t to blame.  In terms of our biology, we can’t prevent an egg being fertilized as a result of a rape.  We just can’t.  And this man is an uninformed idiot to have made this statement.

Of all the articles I’ve read today, I believe Eve Ensler said it best in her article in the Huffington Post, “DEAR MR. AKIN: I WANT YOU TO IMAGINE….

“When you, Paul Ryan and 225 of your fellow co-sponsors play with words around rape suggesting only “forcible” rape be treated seriously as if all rapes weren’t forcible, it brings back a flood of memories of the way the rapists played with us in the act of being raped — intimidating us, threatening us,muting us. Your playing with words like “forcible” and “legitimate” is playing with our souls which have been shattered by unwanted penises shoving into us, ripping our flesh, our vaginas, our consciousness, our confidence, our pride, our futures.

Now you want to say that you misspoke when you said that a legitimate rape couldn’t get us pregnant. Did you honestly believe that rape sperm is different than love sperm, that some mysterious religious process occurs and rape sperm self-destructs due to its evilcontent? Or, were you implying that women and their bodies are somehow responsible for rejecting legitimate rape sperm, once again putting the onus on us? It would seem you were saying that getting pregnant after a rape would indicate it was not a “legitimate” rape.”

To the survivors: PLEASE, continue to love yourselves, forgive yourselves and keep on with your healing.  Don’t let a person with so little understanding and sensitivity undermine any chance you have for happiness and peace.  Don’t accept this War on Women.  Power has already been misused on us, we are about recovery.

To Mr. Todd Akin:  I pray that your sisters, daughters, wife never have the experience of sexual assault.  They would be sorely in need of support that you obviously can’t provide.  You are an extremely disappointing and small man.

To the voters of Missouri and anyone who knows a MO voter:  PLEASE support Claire McCaskill in her re-election as US Senator.  She’s a friend to women and she gets it.

Whew….that felt good.  I needed to say those words.  Now on to other writing topics but delighted to know that my “muse” is an activist too.

About Rescuing Little L

Documenting the pieces of my journey...recovery from childhood sexual abuse and cruel ignorance...the effects of those incidious acts through adulthood... until the grace of recovery transcended the trauma and shame of my past, making it possible to return to Rescue Little L.... View all posts by Rescuing Little L

9 responses to “my “muse” is pissed….


    Concerning Todd Akin… I pray those surviors listen to you. I for one agree whole heartedly with everything you said about Todd Akin. When I heard what he said about rape victims I felt as if he kicked me in the gut! Bravo for your words …you got right to the HEART of the matter. Thank you…I do feel the need to say that Todd Akin does not speak for all Rebublicians. I tend to be more conservative and I certainly don’t feel like him, nor do Romney/Ryan they can’t help with this fool says!…. You were specific and clear and RIGHT ON!


    • Rescuing Little L

      Girl…it was a kick in the gut wasn’t it? I’m sure that this will settle down in a few days just like all the other political issues flying around….try not to get too stirred up but this one really got me! Glad you stopped by!

  • Crowing Crone Joss

    well said, my friend. I’ve been following this, although not an American, my daughter has citizenship in both countries so we have many ties there. I don’t even know what to say about someone who would mouth this garbage. One likes to think that the days of the white anglo christian male are over but wow. May this be indeed the nail in the coffin of his political dreams. he has no clue. absolutely no clue. I think that is the kindest thing I can say about him. I love that your heart, your concern is for the traumatized. For me it brings up the fact that when I told my therapist, years ago, about sexual abuse by my brother, he asked “was there violence involved” by which he meant physical violence, completely overlooking the violence to a young girls heart and soul. When I responded no, he said he really didn’t think it was an issue then. I was too stunned, too innocent to respond. A girl’s, a woman’s body belongs to her, and no one else. Any crossing of that boundary is evil, and the evil comes from the perpetrator not the girl, woman. ever! okay, I’m going to just breathe now and send healing energies out into the hearts of all those who have been impacted by this political horror.
    Glad your muse was as stirred up as you. Be gentle with yourself.

    • Rescuing Little L

      I may be heading for the Canadian border soon! From what I hear, he’s already in major hot water and Claire McCaskill popularity shot up…One friend said this was a gift which it may turn out to be after all….Wow, that is an awful story about your therapist…grrr, HE decided it wasn’t an issue because of lack of violence! Unbelievable….I’m fairly calm now and I think it did us good to finally get our dander up….Sweet dreams, my friend….

      • Crowing Crone Joss

        Canada welcomes you! heh heh. That’s actually a comment a number of my American friends have made lately, for a variety of reasons. It took me a long time, years after that therapist, to realize that healing from my brother’s abuse was just as important as healing from my grandfather’s rape.
        Let the muses roar!! hope you slept well as did I.
        let’s just keep walking in beauty, every day, in every way.

      • Rescuing Little L

        Good to know that will be other displaced Americans when I finally get fed up…so glad you were persistent enough in your therapy to get the perspective you needed and yes, I slept rather well last night too!

  • revrannulf

    Dear RLL, I can feel the edges of your rage and I empathize with the history that amplifies it. Please know that you are loved and that there are many of us who stand with you!! Tod Akin and his ilk will never again rule our world (if my voice and political pressure have anything to do with it)…

    • Rescuing Little L

      I can always count on you! I’m happy to read about the droves of people outraged by this man’s insensitivity and its so beautifully countered by your sensitivity….Keep on with the political pressure, I’m right there with you!

  • Ken Robert Coe

    The worst of it is the very phrase “legitimate rape.” First define legitimate: conforming with the law, legal.
    In this country,which rape constitutes legitimate rape? Is any rape legitimate? NO. Again, NO.
    Akin and his ilk are idiots. His coining of an oxymoronic phrase that is damaging to every sense of decency and damaging to our very language, shows his willingness to ignore all morality while posturing as a Christian moralist.
    Constant repetition of this impossible phrase brings it status. There is no such thing.
    It is an Akinism.

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